


to smiling like we are now

by titowrites



Series: interconnection: a series of people i love in love [4]
Category: GOT7, SEVENTEEN (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: M/M, slight gyuhao, slight namgi, slight namkook, the rest of 97 line make an appearance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-23 23:08:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13798269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/titowrites/pseuds/titowrites
Summary: friendship and love in the midst of climbing the international ladder to becoming one of kpop’s biggest actsor alternatively, an insight into the last two years of jeongguk’s life until now





	to smiling like we are now

**Author's Note:**

> title from day6’s i like you
> 
> -
> 
> i played around with the timeline quite a bit here although to my knowledge bts’s schedule should be close to how their year went. i didn’t think too hard on svt’s and got7’s schedule because i doubt they really lined up too much for this to work. also i had minghao show up at least to some end of the year shows in 2017 because i needed him and this is a work of fiction!! so please if you’re super great at dates don’t focus too hard on the shit i fucked up on!! thank you!! 
> 
> ps i love 97 line so much and i just need mingyu yugyeom and jeongguk to hurry up and give me the best friend trio i deserve okay this is irrelevant but i love them okay thank you for reading!!

  
Jeongguk gets Yugyeom’s number at the end of MAMA 2015.

 

They’re exhausted, the show and rehearsal lasting all day and into the night, their jackets hang weak on their arms. They’ve waved goodbye to the fans and are forcing their tired legs through the buzz of the backstage. Jeongguk follows blindly behind his hyungs, watching Namjoon Incase he needs his attention at any given time. The bowing becomes a habit, senior groups pass by without a glance. Yugyeom’s near, their groups practically glued together in their attempt to find their way out and avoid any mishaps with older acts.

 

They’re both a little out of their element. Long enough in the business to know the drill, still too new to get away with stalking off at the first sign of exit.

 

At some point the crowd stops moving, Jeongguk is too tired to see the reason, swaying on his feet both in exhaustion and impatience.

 

Yugyeom catches his eye and smiles.

 

Working together for the show really made them feel like kindred spirits, kind of like back up in a fight you aren’t prepared for. They’ve been involved in other schedules together, but not like this one. They were forced into a rehearsal stage and told to work together, 14 boys with main dancers and two leaders, and on top of it at all they were at the bottom. Being the youngest in that room was not fun.

 

Namjoon and Jackson made things easier, already being quite close. Jackson treated the rest of them as friends, still respecting the ones older than him while he sweetly teased the younger boys. Jeongguk liked him, he was loud and funny when others couldn’t be.

 

It also helped that Hoseok sided up next to Yugyeom right away, and Jeongguk still thinks it’s funny how his eyes widened a bit at his hyung and senior so quickly declaring him a friend he liked.

 

Things got easier after a while, Yugyeom fell into the dance practice with comfort and the others followed suit. Jeongguk owes Hoseok a meal for being so nice all the time, without him he doesn’t think he would’ve survived the awkwardness of that practice. Maybe he should invite Jackson as well.

 

Now though, he feels at ease with Yugyeom’s stare, smiles back a little tiredly.

 

Without a word, he takes out his phone, waves it Jeongguk silently. Jeongguk raises an eyebrow, takes what’s being offered to him.

 

A new contact app is open, and Jeongguk blinks at the bright screen as he fills in the blank spaces.

 

He supposed maybe if he wasn’t as tired he wouldn’t fumbled a bit, made a stupid joke and embarrassed himself. But the weight behind his eyes makes me calmer, he texts himself so he can also have Yugyeom’s number handing it back with a cute smile.

 

Yugyeom giggles softly at the emoji choices Jeongguk used by his name, and he shakes his head just as the crowd starts to move again and they’re separated as their leaders move in opposite directions.

 

They wave goodbye and head home.

 

-

 

They don’t text often. Small words are shared on the way home, the conversation lasts a couple of days before it dies.

 

-

 

  
12:03am  
yugyeom: we’ll see you at isac, right?

1:47am  
jeongguk: yeah we’ll be there.

 

-

 

  
ISAC is a long, long day.

 

There’s a lot of lying down, and watching others try not to fall on their faces in front of a good portion of their fans and the fans of others.

 

After the effects at MAMA, Jeongguk and his hyungs find themselves curled around Yugyeom’s group. They’re in the same team, the blue sweatshirts they wear hiding their origin groups from anyone who doesn’t know them.

 

It’s nice, in a way that means if I’m gonna wait here all day with nothing to do I’m glad I had a few extra bodies to lean against.

 

Youngjae lies in Taehyung’s lap, Jackson makes fun of Namjoon, Jeongguk laughs as Yugyeom and Yoongi tease Hoseok until he’s blushing and whining loudly. It’s comfortable.

 

Sometimes they leave, Seokjin sits with his older friends his age, they pet Jeongguk’s hair but he doesn’t do good with _older_ so he stays away. Jimin disappears but always returns quick enough to collapse into Yoongi’s lap when he’d especially hate it. Taehyung finds himself surrounded by adoring eyes, and Jeongguk see’s him running his hands through someone’s long, long, hair.

 

But Jeongguk stays near the blue sweatshirts, Yugyeom and Mark chat in soft slowed Korean, and BamBam is funny.

 

Jeongguk still only knows Yugyeom, but for now that’s okay.

 

-

 

Jeongguk’s busy. They tour, they go to Europe. Their producer is talking about writing solo songs for their next album. Yoongi asks him if he’d feature as vocal on his mixtape. Jeongguk is busy.

 

-

 

Somehow he and Yugyeom still text, the busier they get the easier it is to not force themselves into conversations with the equally exhausted bodies around them. They hide into their phones, complaining but excited at all the things they’re each working on.

 

Yugyeom comes back first, and Jeongguk just makes it for the end of their run.

 

They’re friends now, in a way that Jeongguk doesn’t have to think about. Yugyeom is comfortable, even when he talks to him during live broadcasts and Jeongguk is scared he’d get scolded for not paying attention.

 

It makes him feel happy though, that Yugyeom wants to talk to him before they’re pulled in opposite directions again. He answers back in hushed whispers, not meeting his eyes as the red light of the camera shines, but when he glances back at him he makes sure he grins so brightly that Yugyeom knows it’s okay if he keeps talking.

 

They cheer for each other when they meet through the week, Jeongguk praises him and hugs him for their goodbye stages. Yugyeom congratulates him on his wins. They’re both a little sad when their schedules stop intersecting, and Jeongguk isn’t embarrassed when he hugs him a little tighter at their last stage.

 

Yugyeom hugs just as tightly, and Jeongguk is so happy to have a friend like him.

 

-

 

“Kooks!” Yugyeom chirps excitedly, and Jeongguk doesn‘t know when that started, but his cheeks warm up anyways.

 

They hug tightly at the entrance of Yugyeom’s building, and Jeongguk giggles into his jacket simply because he’s happy.

 

“You ready to go?” He asks, just about to open the door for them to leave. Yugyeom shakes his head.

 

“I forgot my wallet but I didn’t want you to freeze. We can just go back up.” He takes his arm and leads them toward the elevator. Jeongguk hums along to the song that plays overhead and Yugyeom wiggles slightly to it and they grin at each other stupidly.

 

Yugyeom’s dorm is an awkward affair. Bambam is nice, high fives Jeongguk as he heads into the shower. Jinyoung is there but Jeongguk is a little scared of him so he just stands there shifting his feet until Yugyeom shouts in relief at the discovery of his wallet.

 

Yugyeom teases him a little at his blushing cheeks and comforted posture once they leave.

 

“You have to get along with them, what are we going to do at the wedding?” He jokes, Jeongguk pushing him and then catching him when he slips a bit on ice.

 

They go bowling, and then they eat Mexican food. It’s a fun time, and Jeongguk can’t stop laughing for some reason. It’s okay, because neither can Yugyeom.

 

He takes him to the JYP building, because Jeongguk is curious. There’s nothing exciting about it and they fall into each other as they giggle in the empty hallways.

 

Jeongguk goes home.

 

-

 

He said it before to thousands of fans watching, but at the time it was just a phone, a reflection of himself staring at messages flooding in. But if he closed his eyes there’s no one else there. He told them Yugyeom was his only real friend in the idol world.

 

Jeongguk is in bed filled with new memories of slipping on the ice and the tacos he had ate that day, the phantom touch of an arm around his shoulders. It’s there that he thinks about his words and realizes how true they are. Yugyeom is his first real friend, and it makes him feel so warm inside he falls asleep with a smile.

 

-

 

Award season comes around again, Jeongguk and his hyungs win artist and album of the year. Jeongguk cries.

 

He also meets Kim Mingyu.

 

And with Mingyu comes Minghao, and then Seokmin.

 

It’s a very short meeting, amongst rehearsals they run into each other, forced into waiting in the same small space as the stages change.

 

  
Mingyu says hi first, and Jeongguk likes that enough to fall into small talk that doesn’t bore him at all.

 

Minghao comes around to cling onto him even though he’s in the middle of a conversation, and Jeongguk thinks that’s cute.

 

Seokmin pulls their attention away from each other with his loud voice, and he meets their eye and walks over.

 

They quickly bond over the easy things, exhaustion and packed schedules and the anxiety of award season. They all think they’re gonna go home empty handed, and wish each other well.

 

It’s at MAMA that Jeongguk asks for their contact. He asks Minghao, because he’s closest and if he gets one he gets all three. Minghao adds silly emojis to his name and Jeongguk laughs as he is pulled away.

 

Minghao accidentally creates a group chat trying to share Jeongguk’s contact, starting it off with something snarky about being too lazy to delete it.

 

It dies after a day, serving it’s purpose when the other boys each have their names in each other’s phones.

 

Jeongguk spends the next day hugging his hyungs and resting his head in Jimin’s lap as they think about the previous night. He remembers Yugyeom holding him a little longer and his eyes watering. He feels comforted with hands in his hair and the memory of his best friend in his mind.

 

He texts Yugyeom and they chat all day and all week.

 

-

 

Bambam gets lonely and bored and homesick one day so Yugyeom makes a group chat with Jeongguk along and they talk about stupid stuff until Bambam is happy again.

 

-

 

It doesn’t die as quick as any of them thought it would.

 

-

 

One of the end of the year shows says they want to do a 97’ collaboration stage, and Jeongguk is suddenly standing with a group of boys his age that he considers friends. He hides behind Mingyu’s taller form when Yuju smiles because he doesn’t do well around pretty girls and they sing together and it’s all very cheesy. They have fun anyway.

 

Their newly made group chat is a mess from the start, and Seokmin throws a balled up napkin at Bambam as they pass each other in the hallways for his commentary of their performance. Jeongguk takes a picture of where it sits on the floor and makes it their chat picture.

  
-

  
Minghao takes credit for the group chat, even though Yugyeom and Bambam had no idea about the first accidental one started amongst his members and Jeongguk weeks before.

 

They give him the credit anyway and name him the official president of their group, which mainly means he can kick Mingyu out whenever he wants but Mingyu is never allowed to do it back.

 

-

 

One time Mingyu writes to Jeongguk privately to beg himself back into the group, and Jeongguk laughs at him through several texts in a row.

 

They don’t stop texting each other after that.

 

-

 

ISAC happens again. Yugyeom isn’t there, but Jeongguk finds himself surrounded by Seventeen members. He cheers for their aerobics performance. He and Minghao have a conversation in person that doesn’t end with the other being dragged away by staff. Seokmin gives him snacks.

 

And Mingyu.

 

Mingyu lets him rest his head on his shoulder. He doesn’t mind when Jeongguk isn’t as loud or funny as he is over text. He doesn’t leave when Jeongguk is too in his head and daydreaming to make conversation. Out of habit Jeongguk clings onto him, declaring loudly that he’s tired and Mingyu holds him until Jimin and Taehyung drag him away.

 

Jeongguk texts him on the way home, even though he said only a few words to him all day. Mingyu calls him cute when he talks about how boring he is, and Jeongguk retaliates by calling him cute back.

 

Mingyu sends hearts, because he’s Mingyu.

 

Jeongguk sends him a picture of a dog wearing a lion’s mane and says goodnight.

 

-

 

Mingyu is nice.

 

Not just nice, he’s kind. Jeongguk loves kind. He doesn’t do well with not kind.

 

Mingyu is caring in a way that doesn’t come with responsibility. He doesn’t treat Jeongguk like a younger because he isn’t, but he still watches over him and asks how he is. He’s sensitive, and clingy in a way that shows through text when he sends more than one if Jeongguk doesn’t respond right away or let’s the conversation die.

 

Jeongguk loves it, loves the attention and the reminder that he shouldn’t leave people waiting.

 

But he loves it because it’s easy, it’s like talking to Taehyung or Jimin without the stress that one of them is gonna come to his room and hit him if he goes too far.

 

When he goes too far with Mingyu he gets a lot of crying emojis and a pouting selfie. Jeongguk saves all of those and only then does he kiss up and apologize.

 

They go out to a movie, and Mingyu pays because he asked him. They go out for dinner after and Jeongguk pays because Mingyu says he paid for the movie. Jeongguk glares playfully at the game Mingyu played, but feels vindicated when he steals meat off of his plate later in the night. Mingyu responds by splitting his next piece in half and feeding it to him.

 

-

 

Yugyeom texts him one day and Jeongguk actually keeps the conversation going for days and days and it feels so good to hear from his friend.

 

They catch up on each other’s days and tell each other stories from their weeks of not speaking. Jeongguk prepares to go on a world tour, fresh off a comeback. Yugyeom is in the final touches of his own comeback, ready to drop any day now.

 

They find time, the way they always have. Jeongguk texts him when he has no strength to do anything else, even calls him one day when they suddenly have time. It’s not enough to meet up, but it’s enough to hear Yugyeom’s tired laugh rather than see it on text.

 

Yugyeom says something about wishing he could go over and fall asleep on Jeongguk’s bed as he plays his games. Jeongguk thinks about his deep tired voice long after his snores begin and the line cuts off.

 

-

 

Mingyu calls him when he lands in New York.

 

He sounds a lot more awake than Jeongguk feels, helps him keep busy by asking question after question about his flight and the shows that have already passed. He keeps him talking long enough that Jeongguk only checks the clock once the conversation stills to see it’s an appropriate time to sleep.

 

He thanks Mingyu, and tells him he wishes he could come see it.

 

For some reason he thinks of someone else’s face when Mingyu agrees.

 

-

 

Jeongguk is in Hawaii.

 

The sun is warm, but cooler than when he was in LA.

 

The ocean is feet away almost at all times. He surfs. He flies in a helicopter. His hyungs cry on a boat and he can’t drink so he sulks. He feels good.

 

He texts Mingyu when he gets on land again, and Miingyu wants pictures. 

 

He sends 4, two of the sunset on the water, one of Yoongi and Seokjin walking along the road and a selfie.

 

Mingyu tells him he looks very good in the selfie, and that the sunset looks gorgeous.

 

Jeongguk hesitates.

 

In that moment Mingyu sends his own pictures.

 

One is of Minghao, dressed smartly in a coat hanging over his shoulders, with sunglasses on his head. The next is the view from the top of a building. He sends two pictures of himself, one in the same location Minghao stood and the other is of him in a white sleep shirt with damp hair. There are drops on his shirt from where his hair dripped, and his collar is peaking through the thin fabric, stretched and see-through.

 

The sun has long since set, but Jeongguk blames his blushing face on it anyway.

 

-

 

Jeongguk goes home, and Mingyu goes to LA.

 

Jeongguk has never thought about the sacrifices he’s had to make when he became an idol. He’s cried when he missed his family, and he had days when they were so broke that he wished for things to just work out, but he never doubted where he was meant to be.

 

Even now, lying in the bedroom of his home with his mom making him an early dinner, staring at his phone with the world clock open does he think he’d never change anything he’s done.

 

But still, he glares at the blaring LOS ANGELES 1:32am blinking up at him.

 

It hasn’t been very long since Mingyu stopped replying. He could step out of his room and do anything else and the time would pass by quite quickly. But he was letting himself brood, he’s been a good guy, never complained. He thinks he deserves at least one moment where he feels like a real human being left on read by the one person he wants to talk to. And yeah, maybe not everyone’s crush is in an internationally famous group across the world but he’ll take what he can get.

 

Jeongguk thinks he’s finally comfortable with the word crush.

 

Somewhere along the trip home from Hawaii, and then the trip to Busan he let himself be honest and admitted what it was he felt for his friend.

 

He feels comfortable with it, let it fill his bones with warmth and then continued on with his day.

 

But sitting here waiting for Mingyu to wake up is not something he expected.

 

He picks up his phone and opens up another chat box.

 

He types a begging plea for anyone in their group chat to talk to him. Jaehyun, who hardly talks but is nice enough sends him a link to a video that preoccupies him long enough for Bambam to appear. Yugyeom joins in and they are filling the chat with nonsense. Minghao joins in suddenly twenty minutes in to tell them he’s gotten yelled at for his notifications going off. They laugh at him and he disappears again.

 

Jeongguk sets into the easy rhythm of talking to Yugyeom and Bambam, the way they joke with each other is fun to watch and he’s at ease with how they drag him down with them. They’re his longest friends, outside of his group of course. It’s without a thought that he types responses and quips. And the time flies, his mother calling him out to eat sooner than he would’ve thought.

 

He enjoys his time at home, which also ends sooner than he would’ve thought.

 

-

 

Jeongguk goes back to Seoul, and then the news drops that they’re going to the Billboard Music Awards.

 

He’s back in LA soon and then they win and that’s something he doesn’t know how to deal with.

 

Things are weird now, they did press for their concert and that was something he was used to to some extent. But with those people have to make time for them, local news and tour press setting time aside for this group they haven’t heard of. It’s required of them in any country they’re in.

 

But this time, people are begging for a chance to talk to them. They’re only in Vegas for a couple of days, leaving to LA in a flash. Namjoon does interviews from his seat on his phone, some extending all the way home to Korea.

 

They meet Steve Aoki, and Halsey buys them snacks. It’s a rush of cameras and pictures and so many congratulations Jeongguk sometimes forgets they have a Billboard award now.

 

In no time they’re on the flight back home, Namjoon looks tired. Yoongi looks tired. Seokjin and Hoseok try to stay up but eventually pass out only half an hour in, the youngest three follow suit.

 

It’s after they’ve landed and are in the beds in their dorms does Jeongguk even think to check his phone.

 

He has unanswered texts from his members, a picture of his dog his mom said she’d send him. His group chat is a filled with congrats and love and jokes that say he’s too busy to write to them (he was). He has individual texts from Mingyu, and a few more from Yugyeom.

 

Jeongguk slept throughout the flight, and on the car back home. But staring at his phone and his ignored messages from loved ones he feels too content to pass off another sleep.

 

He leaves them unanswered and let’s his phone die beside him.

 

-

 

The group has almost a week off of work before they’re thrown into another whirl of schedules. They’ve all silently promised not to go home, sticking to relaxing at the dorm (Jeongguk, Jimin, Seokjin), or going out around Seoul with friends (Taehyung, Hoseok) and to the dismay of them all, working in the studio (Namjoon, Yoongi).

 

It’s still time to rest, and when Namjoon arrives home he’s dragging Yoongi by the sweater sleeve with him and Jimin only complains for a few minutes before he’s forcing food into their stomachs. Hoseok always makes it home on time to eat dinner with them and Taehyung is only late twice. Seokjin wakes Jeongguk at the crack of dawn (8:30am) to the gym the first two days before he finds him on the couch shirtless with last night’s takeout on his lap on the third. It’s rest, the only way they know how to do it.

 

They’re finally in the habit of relaxing without wanting to jump out of their skin at the need to do something, and Seokjin yells loudly to get Jimin to giggle every time his cartoon car falls on a cliff in the racing game they’ve got playing on the TV. 

 

Taehyung laughs along, but he’s in the lead so it sounds more like cackling than anything. Jimin is sitting between them on the floor, hitting Seokjin every time he screeches.

 

Jeongguk is stretched along the couch, focused on the phone in his hands, fingers flying across the screen without stopping.

 

He’s alternating between three different chat tabs, Bambam and Minghao are arguing about some movie they watched recently while Seokmin adds commentary to their missed words and typos. Yugyeom and Mingyu send laughing faces but mostly are replying to Jeongguk’s private messages.

 

It’s been like this all day. Seventeen are on the rode to a summer show somewhere across the country, and Got7 are filming somewhere in Thailand with long hours to spare. Jaehyun has the radio show to do, but he laughs along to Seokmin’s comments when he can.

 

Jeongguk started the avalanche of conversations when he sent obnoxious bad angled selfies on the couch with his hyungs in the background. He got aggressive texts about him not deserving the days off and it was a mess from then on.

 

Yugyeom sent his own imitations of Jeongguk’s pictures except Mark flipped him off in his. He didn’t trust Bambam to not save it and use for blackmail so he only sent it to Jeongguk.

 

Mingyu started their conversation by simply asking how he was, and Jeongguk hasn’t been able to put his phone down since.

 

Seokjin and Taehyung scream at the television, Jimin’s laughter bounces off the walls. The sun sets, and somewhere between the yelling and dinner with the seven of them Jimin and Taehyung tease the youngest for ignoring them.

 

They glance at each other when Jeongguk mentions who’s he’s talking to. Jeongguk doesn’t notice.

 

Seokjin makes a joke about it, to which the other boys laugh. Jeongguk doesn’t quite get it, but he hears Mingyu’s and Yugyeom’s names attached to their quieting giggles. When their eyes are back on the racing in front of them, Jeongguk thinks.

 

He’s is focused on them now, thinking about the words Seokjin said. It was a joke, sold by the way Jimin choked on a chuckle and didn’t spare a look in his way. He runs his fingers over the case on his phone, feeling it vibrate twice as more messages pour in.

 

He shakes his head at the sudden questions that begin to form in his brain. He doesn’t know what they are, ignoring them for the meaningless chatter that distracts him on the device in his hands. But he doesn’t like them, he thinks he’s sure of that.

 

-

 

Jeongguk thinks he knows what love feels like. Or at least, what it might feel like.

 

There was a time when he couldn’t look at Namjoon without thinking he knows what love might feel like. He was young, growing into his skin and waking up frightened at the effects his own body had on him. He had acne, he was learning how to take care of himself and sometimes forgot to do laundry. Namjoon thought he was pretty cool anyway.

 

And he thought Namjoon was pretty cool, too. Really cool. He was nice, he gave him praise that didn’t come because he was family, like his mom would, but as an artist who wants to work with him. He helped him out when he can, and babied him when Jeongguk would let it happen.

 

Being in love, or at least sort of in love with Namjoon was the most obvious thing in the world. It was like breathing, except sometimes when he’d get too close and Jeongguk could do anything but breathe.

 

He talked about it to Yoongi once. He seemed like the hyung who wouldn’t ask questions, and that wouldn’t worry.

 

He was right, Yoongi was nice to talk to, didn’t make things awkward when he talked about sexuality and girls and people who weren’t girls. Yoongi spoke about love and sex like the only thing that mattered was you, and that you were comfortable.

 

It wasn’t exactly the conversation he was expecting, but he felt more better about it afterwards. He never really thought about loving boys, just accepted it was who he was. He knows it’s naive now to think it would’ve been okay forever, but he’s glad he had Yoongi to remind him that it might not be okay for everyone but fuck them, right?

 

Talking to Yoongi helped, but somehow he must have given too much away, or maybe he’s just too obvious, because Namjoon was mentioned and it was very clear who they were talking about as the conversation progressed.

 

Weirdly, Jeongguk felt at ease. He didn’t mind another person knowing, he didn’t want it to be a secret. Secrets are bad, and something to hide. His love for Namjoon was anything but bad, and he wished he could share it. Show everyone how he sees and loves his hyung.

 

Yoongi was comfortable about that too, understanding in a way all too familiar. He makes at least two comments about Namjoon being easy to love, a look in his eyes Jeongguk pretends not to see, and never brings up again.

 

Yoongi looks a little sad that night when Jeongguk leaves his studio, and the next day he picks an argument with Namjoon for no reason.

 

Jeongguk knows Yoongi was in the wrong, but for some reason he sides with him anyway.

 

Jeongguk also knows what he feels when he talks to Mingyu isn’t love. It’s infatuation. A crush. A bundle of feelings that fill his stomach with moths, not butterflies because these are smaller and only begin to move when he sees the light in Mingyu’s eyes as he laughs. It could be love, one day. If he let the feelings fester and build and turn into butterflies and dragonflies and birds that’ll fly up towards his throat and sing the words and emotions Jeongguk has not yet been able to experience.

 

Doing what they do, Jeongguk knows his options are limited. He knows he’ll have to wait a long time to feel the freeing escape of true and open love. Jeongguk doesn’t know for sure, but the way Yoongi knew immediately who’s on Jeongguk’s mind when he thinks no one notices gives it away that he wouldn’t be able to love silently.

 

Jeongguk goes the extra mile in every aspect of life, be great or not at all. He imagines when he’s got someone to love it’ll go about the same way. 

 

So, love. Not with Mingyu. But he thinks about it. Thinks about holding Mingyu’s hand and resting his head on his shoulder when he’s tired. Taking Mingyu out and letting himself be taken out. Hugging tightly when they leave or greet each other, faces pressed close into each other throats trying to hold on just a few more moments.

 

Jeongguk thinks about it because it’s happened. Loving Mingyu is easy to think about because he’s already sort of loving Mingyu.

 

Mingyu makes it easy, because by the time Jeongguk starts to think about if he’s dating Mingyu he’s already dating Mingyu.

 

Jeongguk doesn’t over think it like he thought he would, stutter over words and flirts of his own. He notices the change and lets it be, and Mingyu takes and takes and gives and gives and then they’re sort of seeing each other.

 

-

 

It’s only made apparent and real when noticed by an outsider, Seokjin or Jimin teasing at his lack of attention. Only then does Jeongguk realize that they aren’t wrong in their jokes. Mingyu’s not his boyfriend. But he’s not really his friend either.

 

Which is why Yugyeom, is a problem.

 

-

 

Jeongguk tries to remember the time Yugyeom was the only one he could go to. He was first friend, the first person outside of his group who understood. He understood everything, being the youngest, being a dancer, being the same age. They clicked for their similarities and they helped each other through their differences.

 

Yugyeom was the first sign of light when the things that were suppose to be filled with bright sun turned dark.

 

He held onto him like a clutch, claimed him for the world to see not feeling the slightest bit embarrassed when he bared his flesh and said _he’s the only one I have._

 

_Don’t take him away._

 

_Don’t fuck this up._

 

So he didn’t, he forced Yugyeom into this box and stamped a note on the top that said _my friend_. And he never bothered to remove the label.

 

He ignored all the soft touches and glances, ignored them when he shared some of his own. He ignored the wishes whispered in tired voices, phone cradled to his chest as he falls asleep.

 

He pretended his hands and face didn’t warm when Yugyeom stood too close. He didn’t hide his smile when Yugyeom surrounded him with his arms, but he pushed it from his mind when they were gone.

 

Yugyeom was never suppose to be a lover, he’s suppose to only be his friend. Jeongguk never allowed him any other title, which is why when someone else came along it was so easy to let them have what wasn’t his.

 

-

 

Things are normal. They’re busy, the tour goes on. They’re in Japan for longer than they’d been anywhere in a long time and even though they have to hop in a van every few days and a plane not long enough to enjoy it feels soft of like home.

 

Their Japanese is well enough to live every day with ease, and the concerts become a habit that fills them with adrenaline and fuels their souls with inspiration. They go home tired and ready to rest for a bit but even more so to head into the practice room and studio as soon as possible.

 

-

 

Jeongguk is innocent.

 

He knows life and love aren’t like the dramas he watches. The video games he plays with characters escaping tragedy and coming out on the other end empowered and whole. Anime filled with stars and time travel, love halting the music and holding your breath. Everything stops when something significant happens, and you’re aware it as soon as it happens.

 

Life isn’t like that, but Jeongguk still wishes it was. Wishes when a change happens, he’ll be able to notice it before it settles, forever setting him onto a new path.

 

As it happens, life doesn’t wait for him to catch up. There is no daunting music foretelling what’s to come. Because really, it’s not that dramatic.

 

He’s been working, but luckily it’s been all in Seoul. Work is done in the offices of BigHit, trying to come up with words that are fit for the melody Yoongi plays on the piano, or in the dance practice room.

 

It’s work that doesn’t feel like work until their producers walk in and ask for their progress, but Namjoon or Hoseok usually have enough to offer so Jeongguk doesn’t feel incompetent not being able to contribute.

 

So his days thankfully end and begin in his own bed. Other than the rare occasion he’s fallen asleep on Yoongi’s studio couch and the man was too caught up to notice he never left. On those days they stumble toward the nearest convenience store to grab cheap warm food they can eat on the way to their dorm for a few hours of sleep as the suns rises. 

 

It’s a schedule that works for them, with the dread of comeback just a bit too far for them to be stressed, and still close enough for them to be excited about the music they’re creating.

 

Jeongguk’s days make sense for the first time it seems all year, and he feels at home with the exhaustion in his bones.

 

On a day where Hoseok has shunned the dancers away from him to hide in his studio, and Namjoon and Yoongi have meetings with the other producers, Jeongguk gets a rest day.

 

And he rests by accompanying the other vocalists to their vocal instructor, and spending a few hours at the gym with Seokjin.

 

In the midst of work, this was a rest day.

 

It’s the first time he’s had time to just laze around on his phone though, so Jeongguk thinks of it as a rest day nonetheless.

 

Mingyu’s asked him to hang out before he leaves for his tour, and they are in the middle of specifying the details.

 

Yugyeom calls.

 

He sounds more awake than Jeongguk does, like he’s been up for longer and been more productive which Jeongguk is sure he has.

 

He asks him how he is and they chat back and forth for a good few minutes until Yugyeom asks him for the thing he’s called for.

 

“Are you free on Tuesday? I’m not gonna be in Seoul for a few weeks so we should hang out before we’re too busy.” Is what he says.

 

And Jeongguk, who’s lacing up his shoes and balancing his phone between his shoulder and his ear answers back too casually.

 

“Mingyu said he wants to hang out on Tuesday,” he adjusts his phone as he switches between feet.  
“He’s going on tour soon.” He tacked on as an afterthought.

 

It’s that moment that Jeongguk tries to think back on later, tries to remember how the air felt when the path he was set on shifted. A fork in the road he was unaware of, making a decision before he was sure there was even one to make.

 

“Oh! Okay, maybe next time? Have fun!” Yugyeom ends the call soon after.

 

It takes a few seconds for Jeongguk to realize there’s a strange feeling in his stomach, and once he notices he doesn’t quite find a name for it.

 

-

 

Jeongguk thinks about why Yugyeom’s call leaves him unsettled, and it takes him two days to understand.

 

They’re all friends, Jeongguk, Yugyeom, Mingyu, and the rest. They talk as often as they can, joke like they see each other every day and worry like brothers.

 

And the thing is, Jeongguk wonders, if it had been Seokmin he was going to hang out with, Minghao, Jaehyun, would Yugyeom had taken Jeongguk’s answer as an invitation or an excuse?

 

The question that rings in Jeongguk’s head more though, was whether when he answered, did he pose it as an invitation or an excuse?

 

-

 

Yugyeom doesn’t message him for the rest of the week, even though he jokes along with Bambam and Minghao enough to show that he’s available.

 

To be fair, Jeongguk doesn’t message him either.

 

-

 

Jeongguk goes out with Mingyu, and they grab a dinner too late into the night and ice cream that melts down their fingers.

 

They’re sticky and gross but they hold hands after anyway.

 

Mingyu keeps standing too close, and Jeongguk hopes the summer air is enough to blame his flushed cheeks on.

 

Mingyu is pressed against his side as they look for an open cafe on their phones, at some point he’s turned so his mouth is pressed to the side of his head. Jeongguk is a wishful thinker but he knows he’s not imagining the soft puckering of lips every time Jeongguk whines about nothing being available.

 

They walk together until they have to part, homes in opposite directions. And under an awning of an abandoned pizza restaurant with nothing but a broken streetlamp as company, they share a kiss.

 

It’s nothing big like the movies, there aren’t sparks and a pretty instrumental song playing. But Jeongguk loses his breath anyway.

 

Mingyu leads it, and Jeongguk follows. They part with smiles on their faces, and glance back at each other as they leave until they disappear from view.

 

-

 

Mingyu leaves, and the comeback is getting close.

 

-

 

As teasers drop and dates finalized, it’s Yugyeom who has time amongst their friends to wish him well.

 

-

 

When Jeongguk gets overwhelmed as one does on the verge of a new release, he reaches out to his friends who understand. It takes a few minutes for someone to respond but when they do Bambam and Yugyeom and Jaehyun do their best to keep him calm.

 

Mingyu calls later, but Jeongguk doesn’t have have much time to mention anything but that he feels better, before he’s dragged along to another schedule.

 

-

 

The album is days away from dropping, and he’s being pulled left and right.

 

He doesn’t have time to talk to Mingyu as much as he liked. And honestly he doesn’t think about it much. He doesn’t have the time to think.

 

Luckily when they do talk, it seems like the feeling is mutual.

 

-

 

But when Jeongguk does have time, staring at the annoying (1) displaying an unread message, he broods. He whines a little, and Hoseok is the only one who pats his head in sympathy.

 

Mingyu writes back as soon as he’s opened the message, and Jeongguk bites into the smile that spreads on his face. In the midst of everything, Mingyu’s words are a solace.

 

-

 

The minutes between Mingyu’s replies grow, and Jeongguk decides letting the conversation die naturally is easier than waiting for a response. 

 

- 

 

The album drops. They do their comeback shows, film for twenty hours at a time and longer. He’s stretched too thin and the days just get busier.

 

October disappears in a flash, and then the news drops that they’re going back to the U.S.

 

Bambam is the first one to say something, and then Minghao.

 

Yugyeom calls.

 

Mingyu and Seokmin write together, turning into a battle of who can send the most emoji-filled congratulation text.

 

Jeongguk calls Yugyeom back.

 

He sends the rest nervous emojis and scared meme reaction pictures.

 

He gets busy again.

 

-

 

The AMA’s pass in a flash, along with every other schedule they had in the states.

 

Award season in Korea continues, and he sees Yugyeom and Bambam for the first time in too long.

 

It feels like it’s always felt, easy.

 

Yugyeom teases him and then hits Bambam when he does the same.

 

Jeongguk hugs them both goodbye, and no one rushes them when Yugyeom holds him a little longer than he should.

 

-

 

Jeongguk doesn’t see Mingyu, the awards are spread out and they just miss each other by the lineup dates.

 

They hadn’t talked too often, but Jeongguk misses him anyway.

 

-

 

Yugyeom is around, and Jeongguk feels like the last year was some dream. Yugyeom makes him think about where he’s been, crying in his arms a year ago. Where he and his group had been, and where they stand now. Yugyeom was there before it all.

 

And it makes him feel grounded when Yugyeom stands beside him.

 

-

 

Jeongguk sees Mingyu in a packed theater, there’s staff and other idols around trying to find their place.

 

Their groups run into each other, and Seokmin is the first to see him.

 

He gets a hug and a laugh into his ear, and a few others who see him bow and clap on his shoulder.

 

Mingyu catches his eye and smiles, he waves.

 

And then he turns away and follows his leader down the corridor.

 

Jeongguk freezes.

 

He watches Mingyu stride away and disappear behind staff pushing everyone along.

 

He didn’t know what to expect when he saw Mingyu, a hug maybe. Maybe an invite to somewhere quieter for a few moments.

 

A wave and a hello, definitely. But also something more.

 

He blinks back into his surroundings when a hand cups his shoulder.

 

Minghao has him pulled into a side hug that he reciprocates without thought.

 

He meets his eyes and sees a familiar emotion swirling in them.

 

Minghao rubs up and down his back a few times, nods in what Jeongguk could only identify as sympathy, before he too disappears.

 

Jeongguk is dragged along at that moment, forced into a dressing room and into a make up chair.

 

It’s there that he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror, but looks passed that to the reflection of the sleeping form behind him.

 

It’s there that he realizes where he recognizes the sight in Minghao’s eyes. The bitterness that danced there, the slight pain. The acceptance.

 

Yoongi lied asleep curled up onto his side, even breaths expanding his chest. Namjoon sat just above his head, fingers unconsciously playing with the hairs at the back of Yoongi’s neck.

 

Jeongguk met his own eyes in the mirror, and tried not to see Minghao’s face reflected on his own.

 

-

 

Jeongguk doesn’t see Minghao for the rest of the shows, and when he finds out why he privately sends him get well soon messages as well as adds to their group chat’s supportive spamming.

 

Minghao thanks him, and then generously offers him an ear if he ever needs to talk.

 

Jeongguk almost takes up the offer, but thinks back to that night when Mingyu pressed his mouth to his and bit softly onto his lip and can’t.

 

He’s not close to Minghao, but he thinks about Yoongi. He wonders if Jeongguk had ever gotten a single moment with Namjoon, a date or a kiss, if he’d be able to go to Yoongi when it was over. To mourn a relationship that was over before it started. He doesn’t think he could.

 

So he tells Minghao no, because Minghao has to share a room and a band and a friendship with Mingyu and yet will have to live with loving someone who doesn’t love you back for however long as it lasts. He tells Minghao no because in lots of ways, he’s got the better end. He tells Minghao no, because for a little while, he had Mingyu.

 

It’s not enough, there’s no amount of time that’s enough time with Kim Mingyu, but it’s more than most people get. And Jeongguk, slightly heartbroken over a relationship that wasn’t a relationship, is grateful for the time he had.

 

He tells Minghao no, but offers the same to him.

 

Minghao tells him _maybe someday_.

 

-

 

The year ends, Jeongguk is a year older.

 

There’s a lot planned for this year, people are already asking about the next album. They’ve got a Japanese album to put out, Hoseok has been teasing his mixtape for the better part of a year so that’s coming soon.

 

There’s also time set away to rest, properly. The first couple of months are quiet, Namjoon has plans to get a surgery done so he can sleep without a mask attached to his face, and the rest are looking forward to the forced downtime.

 

Jeongguk wants to learn to play the piano, and he’s been editing and taking lots of pictures.

 

He’s also been playing video games to his hearts content, knowing once the work year starts he won’t have any time for any of this.

 

Everyone’s busy, the group chat has been silent recently. But every other day someone will send a dumb meme or an unflattering picture of their band members and the conversation will strike up again.

 

Jeongguk hasn’t spoken to Mingyu about where they stand, but they text occasionally about their days. The flirting has cut down tremendously, but sometimes Mingyu will say something sweet and Jeongguk has to force away the blush on his cheeks. After the fourth time it got easier.

 

Yugyeom’s called once. He’s busy, but they make plans to meet up when their schedules clear.

 

Yugyeom suggest they try to get the others along, but Jeongguk asks if it can just be them two.

 

Yugyeom gladly accepts.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> quick note i totally FORGOT about the 97 collab stage until after i finished and then had to find where and when that was and bullshitted a mention sjdkkskd like for real i was close to just leaving it out but c’mon that’d be too much even for me. 
> 
> thank you for reading and please leave a comment expressing your love for 97 line!! thank you!!


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